Have your ever found yourself in that situation? Growing up as a little girl, I was VERY independent, and what I was taught was “YOU BETTAH GET YO PAPER (money) SO YOU DON’T RELY ON NO MAN!” 🥴 My paternal grandmother 👵 was left with nothing but bills 💵 by my grandfather and my father knew and saw this as a little boy. My dad grew up poor, so that was a sting 🐝 for him. He was always self reliant and carried some wounds to his grave.
So when I came into the world, my dad and mother made sure that I received and education for the sole purpose of not repeating what my grandmother repeated. Now, at the same time my father also instilled in me what he learned about being a Christian woman and that I was to wait for my husband before I moved out. I didn’t quite agree with this but, I’m going somewhere so stay with me! When I fell in love and got married, I did follow as close to what my parents said and moved out after I married. I was fine with it because I was in love 🥰
However, I still had that “I’m not gonna LET a man run over me and make sure my money is STRAIGHT” (mentality). I never relaxed or fully trusted because I believed what my father told me and the scar that I saw him carry because of it. I held it tight in my mind and heart. So as time moved on I saw things from his paternal side that made me even more afraid to trust. Come to think of it, it really didn’t matter what I saw from his side of the family. 🗣MY MIND WAS ALREADY MADE UP ON A BELIEF!
Thats powerful, put a pen in that! So, I found myself (because of that belief) living in constant fear. I took on the role of NEVER LETTING MY